Personal business

Its time for me to take care of that. For the longest time I have been focusing all of my attention trying to save the world and helping others that I neglected to work on myself. After all it is so much easier to give advice and to take it. My whole life I have been somewhat stuck in my head and my own thinking, and so I have a problem when it comes to being in touch with my heart space and actually taking care of myself. Well, I am slowly learning, and so I am starting to write this blog in my desire to share myself more openly and honestly with the world, not only in my capacity as teacher and lecturer but as a human being who is imperfect and has things he needs to work on.

With more than 700 videos on youtube where I talk about what I have learned but also what I need to learn (hence the title 'teacher of learning') this has become more preferred outlet to share myself with the world, but on a personal level I still reject the direct contact with others. For one I am out of practice when it comes to direct one-on-one contact, and so can overwhelm others with my presence and intense nature, and I guess I am also afraid to push others away or even hurt them. Be that as it may I realize that I need to step outside of my comfort zone and allow myself to be vulnerable.

Of course I have gained amazing insights and knowledge during my path, but I have focused soo much attention on sharing what I have learned with others and wanting to help that I have failed to take care of myself. Well, I am working on that, and so I joined a gym where I go swimming every day, which is something good I am doing for myself. I also stopped smoking which is a bad habit I have carried around with me for a very long time. My general health is also something I have neglected for quite some time, and so one thing I am taking care of is my situation with my teeth. Having had some very bad tooth decay I visited a dentist where I received a root canal, a couple of crowns, and to top it of tomorrow will be the day when I get 4 very bad teeth pulled, something I should have done years ago, but I am doing it now and so I feel that this is setting the stage for a new beginning.

I also talked to a lady today who responded to one of my datingt ads, and while I dont think that I am yet in the position to see anybody like that she reminded me how important it is to refocus my attention from trying to help the world towards helping myself, and only then when I face and overcome my own challenges am I successfully able to be of benefit to others.